How To Plan A Celebration of Life -Your guide to getting started
Milou and Olin Photography
While coping with the loss of a loved one, you are might find yourself wondering how to plan a celebration of life. These days it is very common for families to choose a celebration of life rather than a memorial or funeral to remember and truly celebrate their loved one.
Jump ahead to:
If we haven’t met yet, I’m Lindsey Nickel. Born and raised in the East Bay, I’m a wedding planner turned celebration of life planner based in Napa, California. I’ve planned 100+ events since 2010 and I specialize in celebrations of life (and Napa weddings). I help grieving families throughout the San Francisco Bay Area plan meaningful celebrations of life, without feeling even more stressed out. Suddenly, things you didn’t think you cared about become important. That’s where an event planner comes in to provide you with options, help you make decisions efficiently, and manage the event planning.
What is a celebration of life?
A celebration of life is geared more towards celebrating the positives (like the joy that your loved one brought you) instead of focusing on the grief that follows the passing of someone we love. Let’s dive into how to plan a celebration of life.
A celebration of life is an event that gathers people together to remember a person's accomplishments, and relationships and share stories. It has a more lighthearted feel than a funeral. It is often very personalized with decor, activities, and the honoree’s favorite cocktail might be served. The focus is on happy memories and being grateful for the joy the honoree brought to their friends and family.
A celebration of life is a wonderful way to begin the healing process, reminisce with family and friends, and say goodbye with an infusion of positivity. These events can be as big or small as you want and allow you to make them super personalized to fit the personality and likes of your loved one.
Jen Phillips Photography
Funeral vs. celebration of life
What are the differences between a funeral and a celebration of life?
Funerals usually are:
Religious-based (not always though)
Not overly personal
Can feel very heavy or somber at times
More formal and traditional
Celebrations of life usually are:
Very personal
Celebratory of the loved one's life (not focused on grief)
Tend to feel positive and joyful
More relaxed and more unique
Milou and Olin Photography
What to expect at a celebration of life
These events can range from quite casual to a more organized event with a schedule in place. You could come across one that seems almost like a wedding with food, mingling, dancing, and a toast or two with the added stories being shared amongst the attendees. While others may have a formal schedule with religious or spiritual customs, a eulogy, readings & poems, plus closing words or thoughts.
Every celebration of life will be different because they are so personalized for the honoree, their families, and friends however, here are some things to expect during the event.
Stories being shared - come with a few stories of your own about your loved one that you can share as well.
Music or poems that the loved one adored being played or read
Some of the honoree’s favorite things are being celebrated along with their lives
Drinks, food, and laughter with the other guests
Milou and Olin Photography
Questions to ask when planning a celebration of life
When and where will the event take place? Thankfully the San Francisco Bay Area has a huge range of choices from a modern ballroom in San Francisco, to a casual bar in Sonoma to botanical gardens in Berkeley.
What is the budget?
Who is on the guest list?
Who will provide the catering?
Who will speak at the event?
Who will manage all the vendors on the event day and answer their questions?
What activities do you want to include?
What time will the event start and end?
What special decorations and memorabilia will you want to include?
Will there be a guest book?
Will there be a slideshow? If so, who will put it together and play it?
Julia M Cameron on Pexels
Etiquette for a celebration of life
What to wear to a celebration of life?
There are no hard and fast rules for the dress code of a celebration of life and it often depends on the activities, location, and time that the event will take place. Of course, you should always keep in mind that you are honoring the life of someone who has passed away and your attire should reflect that.
Don’t wear (unless requested by the host):
Anything too showy or bold
Low cut tops
Funeral attire, including all black
Nothing with holes or stains or is dirty
Consider wearing these (of course, depends on the activities, location, time, & host permits):
Dash of color, especially if the loved one had a favorite color
Fun prints (for example, if the honoree loved polka dots, wear a polka dot dress or tie)
Something modest and respectful
If you aren’t sure, then always ask the host what their expectations are for the event.
Lovely Day Legacies
Should you bring a gift to a celebration of life?
This is a very common question, typically for a celebration of life or memorial, you are not expected to bring a gift. Often, donations to the honoree’s favorite charity are requested in lieu of gifts or flowers.
If you really want to bring a gift, consider a small condolence gift that is meaningful to the honoree and their loved ones, but it is not expected and should not be lavish.
It is appropriate to bring a sympathy card if you like, but it is not expected. Inside, you can share your favorite memories.
It is also common to bring a meal, food gift basket, or something that can take the stress of meal making off the plate of the loved ones while they grieve. This can be at any time in the wake of someone passing and should not be brought to the event. Often, cooking can feel like a monumental task when in the throws of grief, so it is greatly appreciated.
When it comes to gift-giving, it is more about the heartfelt meaning and words used than anything else.
Milou and Olin Photography
Tips for selecting a celebration of life venue
The venue can really set the tone for the celebration of life. It is also a way to tie in the honoree’s personality into the event. For example, if the honoree loved wine, consider a winery, if the honoree was into flying, consider an aviation museum, and if the honoree loved dinner parties, consider a hotel ballroom.
Ideas for types of celebration of life venues:
Backyard, private home, or rent a private estate
Country Club - especially good if the loved one was an avid golfer
Winery in Napa or Sonoma - especially good if the loved one has a passion for wine (although they are absolutely beautiful nonetheless)
Outdoor Venue - Beach, Park, Garden, botanical garden, etc
Out on the water - For water lovers, a seaworthy ceremony can be very special
Restaurants - great if you had a favorite place your loved one adored
Melissa Habegger Photography
Considerations when picking a celebration of life venue:
What type of Celebration of Life are you wanting to host? Is it more formal or more casual?
How many people are you expecting to attend?
Do you need to provide a caterer or does the venue provide a caterer?
Does the location have meaning to your loved one?
Does the venue have an AV system or do you need to provide one?
What is the budget for this event?
Do you want the event inside, outside, or a combination?
Where will people park?
Be sure to consider the time of year. Summer in the San Francisco Bay Area can experience 100-degree heat waves in areas like Napa, Sonoma, and Walnut Creek. Though it does not snow in the winter, there can be rain and cold temperatures.
Answering the questions above can help you narrow down your options for venues. The more meaning the place has to your loved one and the family, the better it will feel having it there.
Milou and Olin Photography
Unique celebration of life ideas
Planting a Garden in Memory - You can have your guests bring their favorite flower seeds to the service along with the favorite flower seeds of the dearly departed, and you can create a memory garden in their honor. This idea is wonderful because it can last through the seasons, year after year, in a symbolic circle of life. This is what I consider a living memorial and that is extra special, in my opinion. I have also seen memorial cards printed on seed paper that allows guests to plant them at a later date in their own gardens in memory of their loved ones which I absolutely adore.
Memory Shares - Those who wish to speak can stand up and share a memory, fun story, or slideshow all about the departed loved one. This is the most common idea you will see at Celebrations of Life and often evokes a range of emotions but allows for the most healing and closure. The family will often have photo albums or scrapbooks out to help celebrate the memories, as well as, a slideshow about the loved one's life. Sometimes you will also find a memory book that acts as a guest book where the guests can write out a memory, as well as, sign that they were there.
Use Music as A Celebration - Play the loved one's favorite songs and artists to help connect with them during the celebration. You can also have the guests submit a song that is meaningful to their relationship with the departed prior to the event and create a playlist that can be played during the event. Music is a great way to connect and express yourself during the hardest times in your life, so this is one of my favorites.
Focus on Their Passions and Hobbies - If they were a quilter then having everyone submit a quote or image that can be made into a quilt will be extra special. If they are a woodworker, then having a special piece commissioned for everyone to sign would be truly meaningful. Whatever their passion or hobby was, creating a memorial piece around it will make it something that will give the family happy reminders forever.
Milou and Olin Photography
There is no right or wrong way to do things when it comes to a celebration of life event, as each one is very unique to the dearly departed but they can be overwhelming during an already stressful time. Take your time, remember that this is completely about celebrating them and everything that they gave to this world, and please know that there is no right or wrong way to celebrate them. Whatever you do will be appreciated by family and friends and your loved ones, so please be kind to yourself during this very difficult time.
Feeling overwhelmed? Contact us to talk about event planning. Use the form below to get started.
About Lovely Day Legacies: Lovely Day Legacies is the go-to celebration of life planner for families planning celebrations of life, memorials, and funerals.
We help families to plan meaningful events to honor their loved ones without feeling even more stressed out.
Lovely Day Legacies is based in Napa, Calif., and is pleased to provide event planning for the San Francisco Bay Area including Napa Valley, Sonoma Valley, wine country, Orinda, Lafayette, Walnut Creek, Piedmont, Marin County, Tiburon, Sausalito, San Francisco and more.
